This is going to be a rough post. I don’t know that I’ve really heavily delved into my past with Junior. For anyone who doesn’t know me, Junior’s name is Frank. He is what some people wake up screaming to in their dreams. He is a predator, a monster, and a terrorist in his own right. He takes from women their dignity, their sanity, and wants to control them from moment one.
I met him when I was 17 years old. Just on the cusp of turning 18. Back then, I was still attracted to the “bad boy”. And he definitely was that, in my mind. He reminisced about being part of the gang Gangster Disciples out of Milwaukee, WI. Back in those days, anyone who came into my room had to sign my wall (I guess out of my own deviance and rebelling) Junior did. He put up gang signs on the wall to identify the Gangster Disciples. Later, after I’d broken up with Junior, the Negaunee Police Department came to my dad’s house to take pictures of the gang signs for their own reference. Negaunee Michigan is a very small town and doesn’t have much knowledge of gangs. And even probably yet do not.
Junior and I had a pretty good relationship. At least for a little bit. I should have recognized that something was wrong when my dog, Scruffy didn’t like Junior. Scruffy liked most people that came around. Just not him. Junior had little tolerance for him. And at certain points it became more obvious than others. The first time he became abusive to me, I remember. Junior had went out of town to Milwaukee to visit friends. He had been drinking that night, pretty heavily. My dad wasn’t home when he stopped by, I’m not sure where he was. Maybe out of town or at church? Either way, Junior came by and we were alone. He eventually came out and said that he knew that Scott C had stopped by while he was out of town. Which he had. But Junior heard that Scott had stayed at my dad’s house with me overnight and felt that I was cheating on him. And so the terrorizing began. I was standing in the kitchen of my dad’s house and Junior grabbed me by the throat and pushed me into the front door and held me there. Trying to get me to confess my sins. Instead I was terrified, but told him that nothing happened between Scott and I. That we were just friends and he just visited. He eventually let things go and forgot about it. The next day, I was an idiot and reminded him that while he was drunk, he accused me of inappropriate relations with Scott and the terror began again, but this time more yelling accusations than physical. And it was by that point that I started to submit myself to him. I knew things were not going to go in my favor, so I just allowed him to control me. What choices did I have?
My friend Missy had gotten a call from Junior’s wife….. Missy. Go figure. Junior has a wife, and a girlfriend. And apparently kids with his wife. And I wanted to break up with him after I heard it. But by that point, it was too late. He had already taken possession of me. And no amount of anything was going to get me out from under him.
I was really only with him for about 2 1/2-3 months. But they were the worst of my life. It was a time where fear was really 95% of what I felt. I remember one night, hanging out with Tunya and Burt until really late in the morning. Junior found out about it and was REALLY irate about it. Mostly because I was around another man. He was incredibly threatened by this. At this point, he told me that I wasn’t allowed to live at my dad’s house anymore. And although some people might think this is weird… I obeyed. I moved into his grandma’s one bedroom apartment in Negaunee. I don’t know what her feelings were about this, but she seemed to be fine with it in front of me.
Even before I got into this relationship with Junior, I was depressed and had low self esteem. I engaged in risky behaviors and drank alcohol and periodically smoked marijuana (or what some have called it “the devil’s lettuce”) . I was struggling with what was going on with my mom and with my own depression, so I missed school. Frequently. By some point, I had gotten a letter from Negaunee High School. It said that if I had missed even one day before some time late December (let’s say for sake of argument, December 24th), that I would not be welcome to return. Mr. Bonetti was the principal of Negaunee High School by that point and I hated him. And I made no mistake about my feelings regarding him later. By that last day in December stated on the letter, I was getting ready for school. Junior told me I was not going to be permitted to go. That if I did, he’d beat the shit out of me. I knew in my heart of hearts that he would. So I just gave in to the fact that I’d be a drop out.
I went to Milwaukee with him, I sold my car and gave him the money, I lost friends for him, I became the scapegoat to who called the cops after he allegedly tried committing suicide (Alicin).
As I sit here and think about all the things I went through with Junior, it’s hard to even try to put it all into words. Maybe I don’t need to. It’s like the textbook Lifetime Movie Special without all the drama and suspense of nearly being killed. All it was, was terror, sexual assault, control psychologically and physically. If I had an independent thought, I was wrong. And the only way I’d defend myself against him was behind a locked door when he couldn’t get to me. Now? I realize that I cut my arms after I broke up with him because I was accustomed to abuse. I hit my ex husband because I got involved in the cycle of abuse. And I even screamed at my now husband over and over again to hit me. And no matter what, he didn’t. I tested him to see if he’d become a Junior. I was terrified, but I was expectant. And no matter how hard I waited for it, it didn’t happen. I’d see later similar experiences to what I did with Junior and I experienced PTSD. I’d see arguments between partners that were getting physical, hear cupboards banging, yelling, etc…. 3 months became forever.
The moment I got into the domestic abuse shelter, I was far from free. It’s taken me years to reclaim myself. Seeing his sex offender registry makes me sad because I know he abused someone else. It’s one thing if he breaks into someone’s home and steals their stuff. It’s another to know that because I didn’t report him and convict him with the aid of police, he was free to continue. I did try to contact the police a year later because I was afraid. The cop asked me, in a condescending way – why did it take you so long to file the report? With that, I just hung up because I felt like he was judging me. Now…. I’m free to say he’s done with me. But are we ever free of them? We are broken by these people. He is a predator, he’s a terrorist, and he’s a coward. The Pathetic Warrior is my being rebellious against him. His CB handle was Weekend Warrior. So, there we go.
There may be a part two, but for now, that’s enough. Thank you for reading.